Minding My Own Business

There’s a little park a few hundred meters from my house. Swings and various climbing activities. It’s one of those mini parks which dot the Toronto city landscapes and it can get quite busy if the weather cooperates. Although it is very close to my house, I don't walk over there very often because it is in the opposite direction of the main street where the coffee shops and restaurants are. During covid, it was part of my walking route but after my fourth vaccine, I decided it was probably a good time to get fat.

I do have a few friends who live on the west side of Avenue and I’ll walk to their house if I think they will shame me for driving such a short distance. Especially if is a nice day. Usually, I will say I am going somewhere else after which is why I need my car.

Almost everyone knows I’m not going anywhere after.

That is only to say it is rare I would be walking near the park at that time of the evening. Also, the sidewalk is on the other side of the street and I had only crossed it because I thought I saw what I thought was a frisbee laying on the grass. I wasn't going to pick it up, I can buy my own fucking frisbee, but I just wanted to see if that’s what it was.

The other thing is I was wearing my dark blue parka and my black toque pulled down over my brows. When I had arrived at my friends David and Karen’s house, they had ridiculed me for my winter attire as it was already April- almost spring. But while it had been warmish and pleasant on the way there, I had in fact carried my coat in my hands, after the sun went down and the wind picked up it had gotten pretty chilly and I was feeling pretty smug for my good planning as I walked down the street.

Not as smug as if I had taken my car. But pretty damn smug.

The point is it was the time of the evening when the fading light makes it seem like it is even harder to see than when it gets really dark but your eyes have adjusted to the light.

I looked a bit like a cat burglar.

I’m saying that with my dark clothes and the lack of light, nobody would have noticed me.

So I was pretty close when the white Tuscon pulled over to the curb and a woman got out and snatched a little kid who maybe had been playing frisbee all by himself.

Ok, so I know that ‘snatched’ is pretty prejudicial. I could have said ‘grabbed’. I could have said ‘took’. I could have said ‘picked up’.

I’m using ‘snatched’ because that is what raced through my mind when I saw it. If I had thought ‘pick up’, well then I would have just walked on to my home- which, as I have already explained, was only a few blocks away.

Actually, I’m not entirely sure if that’s true.

Because the kid screamed.

In this instance, I’m not going to go through the list of other synonyms for scream.

Because, that’s what it was.

A scream.

The kid screamed “Nooooo.” I have written it with a few extra o’s to try and give a sense of how long that ‘no’ was. I suppose I could have used an exclamation mark or two.

I don't think I've done a very good job of explaining how close I was at this point. Put it this way: if the woman and kid, I'm obviously not ready to say mother and child, had been walking along the street and looked up, they would have been startled.

And with good reason.

I was that close.

By that point, the woman had put the now crying kid into the back seat.

Here’s what I could see now that I was really close.

The woman was about middle aged.

The woman was caucasian.

The kid was Asian.

The car had no car seat.

So make of that what you will.

I’m now going to tell you the conversation I had with the woman when she scurried around the car to the driver’s side.

Scurried is prejudicial too. Rats scurry. I’ll go back and change it later.

“Everything ok?” That was me. Not the woman.

“Yes.”

Not at all startled.

Maybe I didn't look like a cat burglar after all.

Maybe I just looked like the old Jew that I am.

So, not startled.

Let me tell you about the tone.

This is where the story gets a little revisionist. Because initially I described it as a combination of fear and aggravation. I'm not even sure if that’s a thing.

In retrospect, it might have just been weary.

Now she didn't look me in the eye. To be fair, she might have been looking at the door handle.

Which I was blocking.

“Kids eh.” That’s me again. Although it could also have been the woman. Works for both.

So this is me being totally casual, non threatening, and affable.

I don't have any children. But I figured ‘kids eh’ is a safe thing to say.

Also, it confirms the Canadian setting for the story.

“Can I just get into my car?”

Sorry. Let me go back a bit. When I said ‘kids eh’ I was smiling. I’m saying this because she was not smiling.

I know because she was now looking at me straight into the eyes.

No more fear.

I’m going to say that it was now a combination of anger and aggravation.

More anger, if I’m telling the truth.

I now go into full blown Canadian mode. How really sorry I am. I was just walking down the street. I’m just trying to be a good neighbour. Look I just live over there. I’m really really really sorry to ask you this. I almost do a Japanese bow of apology.

And then I say it.

Is that your kid?

Goes without saying I don’t know what I would do if she said ‘no’. I mean, she was middle aged but she looked pretty sturdy. Who knows, maybe she did pilates. I think I could’ve taken her. Then again, this parka was a little restrictive. I’d have to take it off. And, like I said, it was pretty chilly.

But she didn’t say no.

Instead she said “why can't you mind your own fucking business?”

Now I was done dancing around the subject. I jumped right in. “I don’t think this is your kid.”

I don’t say anything about her being middle aged.

I don’t say anything about her being white.

I don't say anything about the kid being Asian.

But I do say “this car doesn't have a car seat.”

Which I think is pretty damning.

And she says “I’m going to call the police.”

Which a kidnapper doesn’t usually say.

That doesn’t stop me from doubling down.

“Why is the kid playing alone in the park?”

“He’s not. He’s here with his nanny.”

Sure enough. Out of the fucking shadows comes out another woman.

Neither middle aged or white.

But quite possibly a mute.

Who, I guess, had been there all along.

Probably had been playing frisbee.

“Can I fucking go now?”

“Let’s wait for the police.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

I’m in too deep now.

The kid, I should add, is sleeping peacefully in the back seat.

No car seat though.

I tell her I would feel better if I were 100% sure.

But that’s not it.

I just don’t like her attitude.

She has called the police.

She has her phone out so I say maybe she can show me pics of her and the kid.

She tells me to go fuck myself.

The cops, to their credit, come pretty quickly.

It comes out in short time and it’s what you would expect.

Flat tire. Borrowed neighbours car because the kid, adopted because they couldn’t have children, really wanted to play frisbee in the park.

Pretty simple really.

Cop didn’t give her a ticket for not having a car seat.

Which was nice.

Gave me a lecture about not jumping to conclusions.

Which wasn’t so nice.

Then the lady called me a fucking asshole.

Which really wasn’t nice.

Then I walked the short distance home.

I was on my porch when a speeding BMW convertible clipped the side mirror of a car parked on the street.

Red beemer convertible.

Car parked on the street was not any of my neighbours.

They parked on their driveway.

Maybe a guest.

What did I care.

The insurance would pay for it anyway.

Was just a side mirror.

It’s not like it was a kidnapping.

Red beemer convertible.

Thing is

It had vanity plates

Leafs4r

Which I guess meant to say Leafs4Ever.

I stood there on my porch for what seemed like a really long time.

With my dark blue parka and my black toque pulled down over my brows.

I dunno. It really felt cold for April.

The End