Spiderman Transistor Radio

My friend Evie says this story practically writes itself. Maybe, but for a month now, I haven’t been able to get past the first line. The story is nominally about me going on eBay in order to see if I can find a Spider-Man transistor radio for my grandnephew, Ido. Ido was here, with his sister Ella and his parents, visiting from Israel. It turned out he had a thing for Spider-Man. A little like I had a thing for radios. So I got it.

There was a tacit understanding that a visit at Uncle Ronnie’s would involve a series of presents. I asked him what he wanted. He said he wanted a Spider-Man costume. Now, Ido really loves Spider-Man, and over the course of the week, I heard him say Spider-Man on dozens and dozens of occasions. He would say it very, very quickly. The opening sp would get swallowed as if a single letter, and the r was a soft r, so soft that it was nearly imperceptible. It was, as you might have guessed, crazy cute. It was also the kind of thing that I, being the cruel and cold-hearted soul that I was, might have wanted to make fun of. Thing was, Ido was a very sensitive young boy. So much so that both my sister and my nephew gave me the heads up that kids didn’t get my irreverent jokes and I should try and keep them to a minimum.

I, of course, thought that was nonsensical, so the first thing I did when they walked into my house was warn them that coughing and sneezing were not permitted in the house. Two days later, Ido started crying, and when asked why he said, “I really need to cough but Uncle Ronnie doesn’t let.”

So, I didn’t make fun of the way he said Spider-Man. Well, not for the first few days anyway.

I found a Spider-Man costume on Amazon and some sort of Barbie toy for Ella, and although I think Amazon is an evil horrible company, you have to admit their delivery is kinda superhero-like, because the packages came the next day.

Now, Ido was happy with his gift, but I could sense he was not really happy. I could understand why, because it wasn’t so much a costume as a Halloween mask and a cape.

So I said, “let’s see what else there is,”

Then, of course, his parents said, “no, no he loves his gift.”

So I said, “well, let’s see what else there is.”

The kid was turning his head back and forth hoping I would be the one who won the fight.

Which, of course, I did.

Once he got the green light he proceeded to explain, again uttering the word Spider-Man many, many times, that what he wanted was a Spider-Man body suit which even went over his face.

So that’s what I bought.

And since Ido was getting another present, I also got Ella a Barbie costume.

Both costumes were from eBay, so I could see that delivery, unlike Amazon, was not going to be overnight.

What you need to understand is that as a slightly out of control radio collector, I get a lot of packages delivered to the front door. Especially if I happen to be on a transistor-buying binge.

So, it got to be this daily thing where I would tell the kids to check the front door and they would drag in a box or two and hover around me as I cracked it open, and then, upon discovering it was an Arvin transistor, they would both dejectedly exclaim, “it’s just one of Uncle Ronnie’s radios.”

Now, to be fair, both kids loved the radios. Ella and Ido even helped me to make videos. Whenever someone from Israel would FaceTime, the call would include a twenty-minute tour of the radios.

“Wait, wait Bubby,” Ella would say, “there are more in this room.” I’m just saying they really loved the radios.

But they were kids waiting for presents, and so, “it’s just one of Uncle Ronnie’s radios,” became a recurring line at the house.

I then thought, how funny would it be if one of Uncle Ronnie’s radios was a Spider-Man transistor radio? Could such a thing exist?

I mean seriously, how good would that be! Admit it, that’s pretty good right?

So I went on eBay.

Took ten seconds of searching before I found it. A Spider-Man transistor radio. Perfect. And yeah, yeah, yeah, I got a Barbie transistor radio too.

The costumes arrived a few days later. Ido wore his to bed. He wore it to the Boca Town Center.

The transistors, unfortunately, arrived the day after they left. So, I didn’t get my aha moment.

This is what happens when you write the truth instead of making things up.

‘This story just writes itself,’ said Evie.

If you want, you can take a moment and try to picture Ido’s face when he says, “it’s just one of Uncle Ronnie’s radios,” and then realizes it is a Spider-Man transistor radio.

Look at that face. He can’t really believe what is going on. He stares at his parents with a look of disbelief. Is this really happening? Then we rip open the box, I go get some batteries, and the transistor radio, the Spider-Man transistor radio, comes to life.

Would have been great. But, none of that happened.

I shipped the transistors to Israel. The shipping cost was more than the price of the transistors.

I sent the story to my family.

The general consensus was that my story sucked. My family had suffered three collections of almost the truth.

“It could have been so good, Uncle Ronnie,” said Danna.

“I don't get it,” said Rena, “you just had to stretch the truth a little bit.”

“Seriously Uncle Ron?” said Rachel. Sammy was not as diplomatic.

“What the hell dude,” she said, “now you decide to tell the truth? What the hell! You ruined what could have been a great story.”

Only Ido was happy.

His parents read him the story.

He couldn’t believe there was a story about him. He didn’t need to be tricked by a contrived tale. For him, the truth was pretty great.

“Read the part about me coughing again,” he said. “Uncle Ronnie is always joking. That is my favorite part.”

The End